So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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