I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
wow bdsm is so cute
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
