I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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