I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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