I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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