if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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