thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
