Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
