At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
