this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
