im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I supernannyed him into submission
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
