Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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