If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
