Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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