Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How's work?
Spinning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
