She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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