The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
