oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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