Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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