Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
