remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
