Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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