I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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