Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
