i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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