please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
