I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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