this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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