remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
