you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't put those talents on a resume
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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