Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
