So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
