He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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