I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
