and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
