For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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