its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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