I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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