The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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