if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
