I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
