Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
