The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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