Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
