One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
