You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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