We're like a lot better than the average bears
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
