Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
