just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
