She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These tits shall not be calmed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
