Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
