The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
