Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize