Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
