My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
