Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
