It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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