We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
