weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
