dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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