i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
