I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
