Already got asked if we're dating
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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