sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
