That's intense
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
