Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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