just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
