I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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