did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
