I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
