I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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