Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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